Seasons of Change

I sat on my balcony a moment ago in the cold November air and remarked how quickly the time does fly by.  Not too long ago I was sitting in that very same place noticing that the leaves had changed color slightly, the fall was coming.  Then there was the equally vivid memory of warm summer nights indulging in sexy text messaging parlays, meditations over full moons…light breezes cooling very warm skin. The memories are vivid, like they happened just the other day, when ‘the other day’ was 6 months ago…Today I am very aware that seasons change, time passes and life changes and the things that remain the same after all the seasons of change stay the same because I choose for it to be so.  I am aware that the things I Keep in my life today are there because they serve something inside me.  I am also aware that it is up to me to determine if the things that I keep are serving my Light, or my equal and opposite Darkness.

I acknowledge the presence of both, my Darkness and my Light.  I am at a stage in my life where I have a clear understanding about the qualities, shades and nuances of my personality.  At some point in my romantic heart, I stopped expecting that I would be surrounded by individuals that would consistently interact with me and help create the best possible Me as a result.  I stopped imagining that I would have others around me to adore me and encourage me, boost my ego and remind me of my accomplishments, and reinforce my dreams…A fanclub of wonderful people to increase my Light.  The changing seasons have taught me the truth of that very quickly, because I have been paying attention.  It is in those moments of clarity, those moments when I’ve struggled, when changes have most wounded me, that I always tried to shed some light on the things that I keep the same in my life.  The obvious connection being that recurring themes, feelings and difficulties in my life, in spite of my absolute awareness in the inevitability of change, must boil down to one thing…Me, and the things that have stayed the same about me.  It wouldn’t feel the same as other times if there was anything different about it. I couldn’t acknowledge it as “recurring” without the familiarity of sameness that the experiences share.  The next logical step is to evaluate what is different and the same in the here and now, and how it effects Me, in the here and now. The things I say and do, the behaviors I exhibit to others, the way in which I express myself, the values I am rigid about…what I have kept about me because they serve me and brighten my Light, and what I have released about me because they no longer serve, and consistently dim my Light.

I am consciously aware that it is up to me to choose Who I am, and that the Darkness inside me can be managed by who I am Now.  I don’t have to be argumentative just because I have the natural inclination to present my point of view.  I don’t have to be tactless just because I am confident about that which I know to be true.  I don’t have to step on any toes on my way to the top, just because I know that there is a spot reserved there for me.  And I don’t have to be impatient with my process because I’ve already seen my path with Divine clarity. I can choose what I’ll do in the midst of every experience. I can choose what to say and how I will say it. I can take a moment and acknowledge that every moment has something to teach; and this is God’s School. God’s, so I’d better pay attention. I can choose to function from a place of peace.  I can soothe, I can sacrifice, I can stay silent, with the positive intention to do these things… I can stand firm in my commitment to be faithful to the belief that who I am is great, because I nurture who I am, I evaluate who I am, I am honest about who I am…and then function from that place every day. I am aware that I will change, evolve and grow and while doing that I will contradict myself in word and deed, and that I will probably be misunderstood as a result.  it is my hope that when that happens, the people who love me will try to understand…and the ones who cannot understand my changes will not judge me but instead will appreciate the sameness of their own “growing” process.

I know that is not possible to completely remove my Darkness but I can function humanly with that.  I need my Darkness to evaluate my Light.  I use my Darkness to direct my Light.  The very act of transforming my Dark traits into positive manifestation of my Best Self creates a shift, a very high potential for Light.  Any good deeds I’ve committed have contributed to the Goodness in me, the Goodness of Me…but nothing compares to the positive changes I have undertaken for My Self.  There is a lot of power and strength present in a moment when I’m inclined to behave a negative way and then choose to do things differently.  There is power in the ability to choose calm over chaos, tenderness over force…love over anger…Light over Dark. Those are lessons learned with the seasons…and only practice makes perfect.

The direction is Up.  The purpose is Love.  The currency is Time…In partnership with God.

Day by day, Y’all.  Day by day.

Meantime, Be Blessed, Be Sexy, Choose Joy.